Are you as smart as a 6 year old ???

There are 4 questions. Don’t miss one.

1.  How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

 

Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll  down.

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way. 

2.  How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?

Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions..

3.  The Lion King is hosting an animal conference.  All the animals attend ....  except one.  Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there.  This tests your memory ... Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4.  There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the Professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers.  Anderson Consulting says this conclusively proves the theory that most professionals do not have the brains of a four-year-old.

Send this out to frustrate all of your smart friends.

Send this out to frustrate all of your smart friends.

Extremely Bad Advice for Parents [Funny Poem]

A curious way to spot parents
I'll tell you how, for free,
They're the people with photos in their wallets
Where their money used to be.

Teach children the value of money,
Remind them how much you've lost
On a very regular basis,
Tell them how much they've cost!

Give children every toy they want,
Don't let them nag you deaf,
They'll be so bored that when they grow up
They'll donate it all to UNICEF

When your kids are being quite naughty,
And playing up on you all day
Tell them they once had a brother...
The One that didn't obey!

Encourage your children's independence
They'll grow up strong women and men,
Make sure they get lost at the supermarket
Again and again and again ....

Some signs on cars say 'Mum's Taxi'
They really give me the fits,
Its wrongly worded anyway,
It's "Mum driven out of her wits"!

Another piece of advice for Mum,
When your child has a dirty face,
Water is a poor alternative to
Spit on a hanky of lace

If your child gets a question right,
Tell him "Boy, what a lucky guess!"
Then he'll always think himself LUCKY,
When he gets himself out of a mess.

I wrote this in my diary
words of wisdom straight from the heart
"The face of a child can say it all,"
Especially - the mouth part

Remember to get the family photos out
When they bring their mates around - then
Embarrass with their baby 'nudie' shots,
They'll never have friends over again.

When you're woken Sunday morning -
with another question from your kid
"Dad do you know where does rain come from?"
Tell him, "God's crying over something you did!"

If anything goes wrong with my parental advice
Remember it was given for free
I'll show you the photos in my empty wallet
I'm broke SO DON'T SUE ME!

THE SUCCESS OF MARRIAGE !!!

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary.

They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years.

Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".

Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible? "

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said:

"We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage.

Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one. On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. 

Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time".

She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again.. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued.

When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead!!

I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?".

She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"."

Husband: "That' s it. We are happy ever after ";-)

The Naked Truth

By Mary Roach

Once you hit 40, it is time to think twice about miniskirts. Also, string bikinis, midriff-baring tops, skintight or low-rise jeans that have been sanded white the length of the thighs, as though the wearer had been tied to a bumper and dragged facedown around the block a few times. These are clothes for young people.

Alas, this is what the stores are selling. Today's popular clothing chains appeal strictly to teenagers, who can be counted upon to change their tastes every 30 days, as the latest Cosmo Girl or Teen Vogue arrives in the mail. Customers like me cannot possibly afford new clothing more than once a decade, owing to the financial strain of paying for teenage children's rapidly shifting fashion needs. So no one bothers to make clothing for us.

This is a dangerous situation. Expose a middle-aged woman to nothing but miniskirts and abbreviated tops for long enough, and she's bound to cave. One day, when her self-esteem is dangerously high and the dressing room lights dangerously low, she'll try on something designed for her daughter and say to herself, "Oh, why not?" If she happens to be shopping with her children, the answer to this question will be provided for her. But middle-aged husbands offer no such reality check. They live in a candyland of denial and residual carnality. They still, bless them, like to see a little flesh.

My husband recently made me try on a bikini. A bikini is not so much a garment as a cloth-based reminder that your parts have been migrating all these years. My waist, I realized that day in the dressing room, has completely disappeared beneath my rib cage, which now rests directly on my hips. I'm exhibiting continental drift in reverse. The buttocks, too, have overrun their boundaries, infringing on territory that rightly belongs to the thighs. I have encouraged my thighs to do something about this -- restraining order, guard dog -- but they have not. Your thighs are rarely there for you.

"Cute!" says Ed dementedly. "Turn around."

"You turn around first."

Ed does not understand what all women my age understand. The mature lady's buttock does not wish to come out and take a bow. Designers of mature ladies' swimwear know this. They've built little curtains into their designs, enabling the sagging buttock to keep hidden, and/or cast votes in privacy. God help me, I've entered the Age of Skirted Swimwear. This is the age right after Accessorizing with Reading Glasses and a few years before Can't Name Anyone on the Radio.

Even the knees are in on the betrayal. I recently saw a tabloid photograph of a 40-something Demi Moore with her knees circled in red, highlighting the fact that they were disappearing under the shifting shoals of her thighs. Ha-ha, I said to myself. Just deserts for having a face and breasts (and a boyfriend) that look 25. Then I looked at my own knees, which I plan never to do again.

The foot is more or less the one body part that time leaves alone. Well into your 70s, you can wear whatever style shoes you feel like wearing. Positioned, as they are, at the bottom of the heap, gravity is not an issue. Or so I thought. Shortly after the swimsuit debacle, I tried on a pair of pointy-toed black pumps, the sort that actresses on "Sex and the City" were wearing for 30 days back in spring.

"How do those work for you?" the salesgirl asked. I told her they were pinching me, and not in an appreciative, you-look-just-like-that-gal-on- "Sex and the City" way.

"You know," she said brightly, "your feet flatten as you age."

I went to find Ed, and I told him about my flattening instep. He smiled and put his arm around me. That still fits, and for this I'm happy.

How to Ruin a Joke :) :) :)

Telling a funny joke depends on a good sense of timing. Here's how most people ruin jokes.

By Andy Simmons

A classic joke goes like this: A nurse rushes into an exam room and says, "Doctor, doctor, there's an invisible man in the waiting room." The doctor says, "Tell him I can't see him."

Pretty simple, right?

Here's how I tell it: "A nurse--her name is Joyce--feels a presence in the waiting room. She looks around but sees nothing. She jumps up from her desk, carefully replaces her chair, and runs down the lavender-hued hallway to the doctor's office. She knocks on the door. No response. He's not there. Where can he be? She continues down the hall, admiring a lithograph of an 18th-century Mississippi paddleboat along the way." By this time, my audience has left, but I soldier on. "She bursts into the exam room and says, 'Doctor, doctor!' The doctor, I should mention, is a urologist with a degree from Ohio State, which is where my nephew …"

  Telling a good joke is skill ... that everyone thinks they have.

You get the idea. I'm an embellisher. I can't leave a simple gag alone.

I'm not the only joke-challenged member of the family. My sister's worse than I am. Her problem: She can't remember them. "'A nurse rushes into an exam room and says …' Uh, let me start all over again. 'A nurse rushes into a waiting …' No, it's not the waiting room. She just came from the waiting room. Let me start all over again. 'A doctor rushes into …' No, wait …"

My uncle's different. He's guilty of taking a perfectly fine joke and selling it as the second coming of Oscar Wilde: "Okay, this is a good one. Ready? No, really, ready? Okay, fasten your seat belts. Ready? 'A nurse …' Got it? A nurse? Okay, ready? 'A nurse rushes into an exam room and says, "Doctor, doctor, there's an invisible man in the waiting room."' Now, this is where it gets funny. Ready?"

No one is ever ready, so they leave before he gets to the punch line.

My father's on Wall Street, so he hears all the jokes before they hit the Web. And he lets you know he knows them all by telling you all of them. He also knows that most people don't like jokes. So he slips them in under the radar: "I was chatting with Ben Bernanke the other day. You know Ben, don't you? The Fed chief? Anyway, we were reviewing the Fed's policy on long-term interest rates, and he told me it had evolved into its current iteration only after a nurse rushed into an exam room and said, 'Doctor, doctor, there's …' Hey, where are you going?"

My brother Mark understands that the secret to good joke telling is to know your audience. When he entertained my grandmother's mah-jongg club one evening, he made it a point to adapt the joke to them: "A stacked nurse rushes into an exam room …"

No one in my family has ever finished this joke.

But as bad as it is not to be able to tell a joke, there's something worse: not being able to listen to one. Take my cousin Mitch.

"Why couldn't the doctor see him?" he asked.

"Because he's invisible," I said.

"Now, I didn't get that. I thought the doctor couldn't see him because he was with a patient."

"Well, yeah, okay, but the fact that the guy was invisible …"

"Could the nurse see him?"

"No. She's the one who said he was invisible …"

"How'd she know he was there?"

"Because he …"

"When you say he was invisible, does that mean his clothes were invisible too?" Here's where I tried to walk away.

"Because if his clothes weren't invisible," Mitch said, stepping between me and the exit, "then the doctor could see him, right?"

"Yeah, but …"

"At least his clothes."

"I guess …"

"Unless he was naked."

"Okay, he was naked!"

"Why would he go to his doctor naked?"

Next time you see my family and someone's telling a joke, do yourself a favor: Make yourself invisible.

From: Reader's Digest

Be Positive Like This Boy (Humor)

Be Positive Like This Boy (Humor)

A Lady Teacher was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. Madam asked, 'Boy. What is your problem?'

Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'

Madam took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his
Questions he had to go back to the first-grade. Madam agreed.

The Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Boy.: '9'.

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Boy.: '36'.

 

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.'

  

Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions'.

'Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.

 Madam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?

Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'

Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

Boy.: 'Pockets.'

Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
Delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy.: Coconut

Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy.: Bubblegum

Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer..

Boy.: Shake hands

Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Boy.: Tent

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy.: Wedding Ring

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Boy.: Nose

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy.: Arrow

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?

Boy.: Fire truck

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use your hand.

Boy.: Fork

Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

Boy.: SURNAME.

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?

Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

'Send this Boy to IIM AHMEDABAD (Indian Institute Of Management)
I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'

Joke: Priceless !!!

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. 

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!

Don't Mess With Old Ladies

If you want to brighten someone's day, pass this on to someone you know.

I just did!